When our third baby was nine months old, he was still waking to nurse a few times a night. That was consistent with my infant experience up to that point, so I could cope (don’t ask me for sleep-through-the-night tips, y’all–I’ve got nothing!) But our three-year-old became newly scared of the dark at that time too, and he was coming to our bed and rustling around for an hour before he finally fell back asleep most nights. (Sometimes, I could NOT fall back asleep after all of his stirring–it was the worst.)
My husband and I were at the peak of sleep deprivation in those days. At that point in our adult lives, we had never had such interrupted sleep at night nor had we ever had more asked of us during the day (he was working hard to support us and I was beginning to homeschool our oldest.) And I wasn’t making time for personal Bible study like I knew I ought to (for the sake of my hungry soul and foggy mind.) I confessed this struggle to my dear friend who gave me a word in that season that challenged and encouraged me so much that I have to pass it along to my fellow weary parents:
She told me that God knows how tired I am. He knows that I need sleep. He built that need into me, and He also created these children who would deprive me of it–with purpose. He knows that sleep is precious to me. So when I sacrifice sleep to spend time with Him (and I do so out of the earnest heart desire to know Him better, not out of legalistic obligation)—to spend time with Him in His Word, in prayer, in communion with other believers, at church, in discipleship relationships—this all is perhaps a weary parent’s most treasured offering. It is worship that COST me something—something that is so precious to me, something I need to live but am impoverished in, something that at this stage of life, only He can supernaturally provide: rest.
Do I trust Him to take what little I have (in this case: energy) and multiply it? (2 Corinthians 9:10; Luke 6:38)
Do I believe that He sees me in my weariness and cares? (Matthew 11:28)
Is He worthy of all that is precious to me? (Mark 12:41-44)
Can I depend on Him in all of my weakness? (2 Corinthians 12:9)
Yes yes yes and yes!
Jesus is clear that the cost of following Him may actually be everything: we must be willing to forsake any relationship, give up any possession, even join Him in martyrdom if that’s what is asked of us (Luke 14:28-30). So, while parenthood often feels mundane with respect to our brothers and sisters who have shed blood for His namesake, it is exactly the situation in which He is calling us to be faithful. It is what He is asking of us. It is what He is supplying all the grace to endure. Even months and years of sleep deprivation. Even scary financial circumstances. Even every extra minute of our so-full days. Even two or three decade’s worth of self-denial and self-sacrifice. Even all of that–He will supply the grace and be glorified by our perseverance.
Worship that costs us nothing means just about nothing. And it’s not because God ever needed our best animal offerings or that “first 10%” from every paycheck. No. It’s because He desires our hearts to see that all we have was His anyway and for us to depend more deeply on Him to supply our every need. To love our Creator more than what He created.
So, you my fellow tired soul-tenders in the trenches, I know that it’s hard to afford extra time and energy in your day to truly and personally worship our Lord, but see it as your offering: your costly sacrifice. He IS worthy. Increase your faith in His provision, and watch Him act. And let’s rest together in the hope of the resurrection when all this faithful work is finished.
Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— 10 that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.
Philippians 3:8-11
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