Dear Everyone Else on the Road,
I’m driving too slow. I’m driving too fast. My windows have gone up and down 12 times since you started watching my car. The light turned green and I haven’t moved yet. You can hear me blasting “Let it Go” three car lengths away. I pulled over without much warning. I’m singing unashamedly at the top of my lungs. It looks like I’m having a full-on conversation with my rear-view mirror. A shoe just flew out of the back window.
I’m a mom. I’m every mom. You see me at the red light, at the four-way stop, beside you on the highway, behind you on the street, next to you in the parking lot. You see my driving and think that I’m crazy. I don’t blame you. But what you don’t see is what’s going on inside of this car. Surely that is the craziest part. So what you need to know is I’m doing my best to drive as safely as possible with the most challenging circumstances (as well as the most precious cargo, bless them) ever known to drivers: CHILDREN.
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Here are my reasons:
I’m pregnant and I’m a sneeze away from peeing my pants.
My toddler just threw his sippy cup at me and nailed me in the back of my head.
We’re at a red light and I’m not sure how much time I have to get the pacifier back into the crying baby’s mouth BUT I’M GOING FOR IT.
My child is throwing up everything she’s ever eaten in her life. IN HER LIFE.
Every time my toddler says he has to go potty, it’s like a time bomb automatically starts ticking. I HAVE FIVE MINUTES.
My children are pinching and scratching each other in the backseat and I’m taking this opportunity to lecture them about loving thy neighbor as thyself.
If I’m the last parent to preschool pickup again, I will go live in a cave of shame.
We are dangerously close to nap time and if my child closes her eyes for even five minutes we will lose all hope for her nap. I don’t know why it works like this but somehow a brief car nap replaces a two hour bed nap. It’s nap concentrate. I hate it.
The baby has been cry-screaming for the last ten miles. I can’t even hear myself think.
The toddler dropped the toy that was keeping her occupied and I’m doing my best to blindly reach behind my seat to retrieve it.
The kids are arguing about who knows what and I’m up here chanting happy things to myself.
The sun is out, the windows are down, we’re having a fantastic day and we don’t care one bit who hears our small car choir sing off-key Disney tunes.
Safety first. Sanity second.
With love,
Every Driving Mom
Can you relate? What have been some of your most challenging driving circumstances with kiddos in tow?
Hey, care to keep laughing with me? Stick around, click around!
Omg I couldn’t stop laughing and nodding my head in agreement all the way through this post and I only 1 child. The others reminded me of my mother and me and my siblings growing up. Thanks so much for sharing.
LOL! This is me every day! I must look like I have lost my mind most days in the car!
Omg! You are so hilarious! Imean, I know that it is NOT funny, but it made me feel sorry for my mama, for raising us up as 3 always-fighting kids :D
Omg this is me!!! This is so hilarious only because it’s so true! I loose my mind every time we are in the car. But let’s be real, most times my mind has already been lost and I’m beyond crazy before I even get into the car! My 3 little girls and their hormones and emotions. Grr. Did I mention this is round 2? I already have 3 adult kids. What was I thinking? ;)
This is so hilarious. This is totally ME!! I wonder where can I get that Crazy Mommy on Board sign. I need like 4 signs to stick on the back, the front and two sides :)