Dear Parents in Waiting,
It’s not fair.
Nothing about this mess of a life is fair. And sometimes it’s downright cruel.
I don’t know why the pregnancy tests keep turning up negative. I don’t know why miscarriages have to happen. I don’t know why you lost your precious baby. I don’t know why adoptions have to be so complicated, so expensive, so lengthy, so retractable.
Your hearts are wide open and willing to love the littlest ones, the least of these. Your hearts are filled to the brim with hope and love for a soul you haven’t even met yet. And oh how you yearn.
Your hearts have been broken, battered, bruised. You feel the sharp, ugly, achey pains of grief-soaked loss.
But you put your hearts back out there. Because you have to. Because there’s still love in there and it belongs to someone special.
You put on your brave face and you go to those baby showers and you like that pregnancy announcement on Facebook and you visit that new mom at the hospital. But it scrapes all those wounds afresh and you’re just doing all you can not to wince from the pain.
The longing for a child–for a little soul to nourish with your whole life–it’s a pain so real, so deep, so valid, so pure.
But dear ones, do not lose hope. Do not let the hard things in this world win the battle for your wide open heart. Keep loving. Keep praying. Keep fighting for that little soul you have always been destined to love. He’s out there. She’s coming. Be faithful. Press on. And know that you have so many people who feel what you feel and desire what you desire. It’s real, and we’re together in this. Anyone as loving and committed as you are deserves to be called a parent. So that’s what you are, from here on out: a parent, and a really good one too.
My prayer for you right now as you read this is that your little one would be in your arms soon. He will be blessed to have you as a mommy. She will be so wonderful because you are her daddy. Wait well. Love each other in the meantime. And know that it’s okay to ache.
Weeping with you and praying for you,
Kate
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18
So heartfelt and beautifully written, Kate. And so true.
Thank you, new to your blog and really needed this encouragement after trying to conceive for about 14 months and then a miscarriage in May. Really enjoying all your articles, but this one spoke to me, so thank you.
I can’t really say how much this comment blessed my heart, Gillian. Thank you so much for sharing something so painful. I hope that you’ll remember that you had the privilege of ushering a soul into eternity, and while the grief is real and runs deep, it’s also something to celebrate. <3 I'll be praying that your arms would be filled with someone to love soon, sister. God bless your journey to motherhood; may you not lose heart.
New to your blog, Kate. My husband and I have been TTC for the past 5 years. We have been through infertility treatments, and no luck. We are just stepping into the adoption process and I have never been so overwhelmed with joy, grief, excitement and stress all at once. I needed to read this today.
Lifting you up in prayer, sweet sister. Thank you for taking the time to comment. Press on in the wait. There is surely someone you were destined to mother who you would not have otherwise sought to adopt out there or on his or her way. God has a way of ordaining hard days to accomplish greater, more redeeming stories. I’ve seen it firsthand time and time again, but particularly in the bouncy and joyful arms of my adopted niece whose parents had a baby taken back by a birth parent and another baby who passed away at 27 days old–all before they adopted her. I’m so glad that her brokenhearted parents never gave up; we all get to love on their daughter now, pray for the one who went back to her mom, and thank God for the getting to know and love the one who is in Heaven now. <3 Hugs to you, friend.
This was a post I needed to read! I have 2 beautiful boys. The youngest is almost 14 now. The oldest almost 16. After 12 years I got pregnant with a baby girl. She was just beautiful and perfect. Every sonar was good and she was so healthy. She was born 1 month early and only lived 9 hours. Our lives was shattered in pieces. Also, we can not get pregnant again… Now a year and a half later we are moving on with great plans from the lord! We are waiting on the miracle I believe He will be sending us. Thank you for encouraging women out there!
Awww, hugs to you Bianca. May the Lord draw near to your aching heart. God bless you, sister!