Becoming a big sibling comes with its fair share of losses–undivided attention, immediate need-meeting, and a world that revolves around his or her nap schedule are just a few. I don’t know about you, but I tend to feel bad for my toddler because of all the losses that arrived with his new baby brother. I tend to want to make it up to him by minimizing the “work” in his life and maximizing the fun.
But I’ve realized that what I would consider to be “work” for him is actually stuff he enjoys. And when I think about it, I love the fulfillment that comes from having helped someone too! So why shouldn’t I foster an enjoyment of helpfulness in my son?
When he helps care for our baby, he’s learning. He is learning the life skill of caring for another human being. That’s something that literally everyone on earth will have to do in one way or another in their life time. We sacrifice what we might rather be doing in order to meet the needs of someone we love. We put our love for them into action by placing our own interests on the back burner and serving them with a whole heart.
So, our two-year-old helps to take care of the baby. I don’t think he’s losing the magic of his childhood; I do think he’s becoming a better person as we go. And here is how he does it:
1.) He helps with diaper changes
He hands me wipes and he throws away the diaper (or shakes the cloth diaper into the pail.) He also can be very entertaining for a fussy, wiggly baby who doesn’t really like having his diaper changed.
2.) He retrieves toys or pacifiers
When baby gets fussy, but not too fussy, I let our toddler try to calm him. And he can just about always do that with a toy or by popping a pacifier into baby’s mouth. I keep a little bin of baby toys within toddler reach, and our son loves picking out the toy he thinks his little brother would like.
3.) He picks out clothes
And yes, we get a lot of mismatched outfits. But we also get outfits that our son thinks are SO COOL. They are often the same color as whatever the toddler is wearing that day. Our son develops a sense of ownership (in the best way) over his brother (in the sense of, “he is mine to care for.”) And as we go around throughout the day (I often encourage other adults to comment on the outfit), he has a little sense of pride and accomplishment for having a hand in dressing the baby. If we’re going to a place where I’d really like the baby to have a matching, sensible outfit on, I’ll pick out two or three and let the toddler choose from those.
4.) He helps with bathing
We’ll pump foamy soap into our toddler’s hand and he will rub it all over baby’s belly and arms. Then he’ll rinse it off. He loves it! And it’s made him better at bathing himself, too.
5.) He entertains with singing, talking, making funny faces or “pretend wrestling.”
Nobody makes our baby smile and laugh quite like our toddler. So, first thing in the morning when mommy is still trying to recover from the parenting night shift but both boys are wide awake–they play. Our toddler sings and plays peekaboo and makes funny faces at him. And my favorite thing now is their “pretend wrestling.” The baby will reach his hand up and the toddler will pretend that he hit him so hard it knocked him over. It’s a hilarious sight. And they both belly laugh about it.
What about you? Does your older child help care for the younger one(s)? I’d love to hear about your experience!
My kids love to help with the baby although I guilty of sometimes not embracing the help! They are wonderful at feeding bottles, when she gets fussy my 4yr old starts singing to calm her, my 3yr old always makes sure the binky and a blanket are close to her. And the biggest argument in our daily life is who gets to button the onsie after a diaper change!