Did I really just pay admission for myself, too? Is "museum" the right word here? Like really, how are we defining "museum" these days? Because this just looks like a giant play place chaos fest--letsbehonest. My kid is going straight for the Legos. We have a tote of Legos as tall as him at ...
Humor
An open letter to my baby who doesn’t have time for me anymore
Hey Baby, I hate to bother you. But could you pencil in a feeding with me today? I know you lead a busy baby life. You've got places to go with all of this mobility that sprang up in the past few months. You have so many non-food items that need to go into your mouth, so many objects to ...
Ten times you felt like a Crisis Negotiator with your toddler
Crisis negotiation, as defined by our friends at Wikipedia, is "a law enforcement technique used to communicate with people who are threatening violence (workplace or domestic violence, suicide, or more rarely, terrorism), including barricaded subjects, stalkers, criminals attempting to escape after ...
A tribute to the cantaloupe I bought and let die on my counter
I saw you from across the produce section. With all of the other ones like you. Your round family members and you all waiting together. You don't usually catch my eye due to the work it takes to distribute you in an edible form to my family and the ho-hum reaction they usually give me. But ...
Hey 90’s kid, this song sounds exactly like your childhood!
Hey millennials, have you heard this song yet? It's the fun, electronic sounds of Owl City featuring HANSON (mmmBOP anyone?) and IT WILL TAKE YOU RIGHT BACK. "When I was I was a kid I spent my Saturdays blowin' on Nintendo games. The newest thing was Lion King and I COULD FEEL THE LOVE." I mean, ...
Dear fair-weather baby-holders,
You know who you are. You're the ones who hold the baby at the restaurant while we order and wait, but as soon as the food comes, that baby goes right back to mom or dad. You reach your loving arms out toward my sleeping child as if you're sent from above to hold him at the easiest point of ...
Why this mom is driving like a crazy person
Dear Everyone Else on the Road, I'm driving too slow. I'm driving too fast. My windows have gone up and down 12 times since you started watching my car. The light turned green and I haven't moved yet. You can hear me blasting "Let it Go" three car lengths away. I pulled over without much warning. ...